A couple days ago I was out with my best friend and my younger cousin. My younger cousin does not have any siblings and adores me.I haven’t seen my best friend in a couple months and wanted to impress her since I’m her “older sister”. That was the beginning thought of a big mistake. I am a role model, not only on this particular night, but all the time. I am in a leadership position and people naturally look to me when they need help. Usually I have high confidence and do not care about other’s opinions, but I really wanted my younger sister to look up to me like I look up to my own sister. After a night of goofing of, making sexist jokes, pretending that our bodies are how we get what we want and not our minds, I realized I was teaching my groupie (my younger cousin) everything I stand against.
1. A woman is more than a bust and a butt.
While picking up a pink tool kit that was set aside from the heavy duty tools I said, “This is what a woman uses because we have no clue what these things do, we’ll leave that to the men.”
I bet there are plenty of women out there with all pink tools that could kick any pro-wrestlers hiney. (I would say a certain word that starts with an A, but I have morals to uphold). The point to this is I just made the impression to my younger cousin that woman do the light lifting, in other words “belong in the kitchen”. Disgusting. Who would ever want to teach that to their sister, daughter,ext. I want my apprentice to know that a woman can do anything she puts her mind to. If that means building a house from the ground up, heck do it! Look at Clara Barton, who started off healing sick men on the front lines and then founded American Red Cross. Society and men should never tell us women where we belong, we can be, do, and say anything we want to.
2. Confidence is your most attractive asset.
"You have to believe in yourself"- Sun Tzu
If you do not have confidence then you will always live in cloud doubt. If doubt always surrounds you , you will always be unhappy. Confidence comes from two things (in my opinion):
Believe it or not we are not just born with it. Just like weight lifters have to starts at 5 pounds, confidence has to start from the bottom too. What I have learned most from my friend circles is that most of us didn’t start practicing confidence until we hit rock bottom. We let men/woman take advantage of us, alcohol run our lives, drugs conquer our thoughts. The stories of many all had one thing in common, the dark and cold bottom of the barrel. What if we taught the younger generation to grasp on to confidence before you give in to any influences. Because the lack of confidence is what makes you doubt yourself and you think you don’t deserve any better so you give in. No! God made us all special with our own ideas, creativity, style, accents, shapes, abilities. Who says society gets to build a “perfect model”! We are all perfect models. To start building your confidence you have to believe in your original opinions. You like that outfit? Wear it, other’s opinions do not matter as long as you are happy. You like the music you listen to, scream it out in the car! Who cares if other drivers notice. If we hide under a rock of society’s “appropriate behavior” that we don’t agree with we will never live. The more you do what you like and are proud of it, the more your confidence grows. Just make sure it doesn’t cross over the line to cockiness, but that’s a discussion for another day.
"Confidence is not based on having all the resources needed to take care of yourself. Confidence is based upon the truth that God is faithful." Exodus 14:14
God gave us everything we are and has always provided. Another piece to the puzzle of confidence is keeping up on your faith. If you have no values or morals to base your reasons on then what are you? You may be book smart, but do you even know what you are living for. For me I am a follower of Christ. I constantly practice my faith morals in my daily endeavors and it makes me happy,it fulfills me, it boost my confidence. Confidence is a belief that anything is possible. It’s a choice to live by, other’s opinions or be empowered by your own?
Once you have confidence, you no longer care about those judgmental glances, or those snooty noses in the air, and best of all you’ll stop comparing yourself to others because you are content with yourself. That’s when you’ll start turning heads.
3. If you are unhappy, walk away
Like in yoga, take in the positive and breath out the negative. You have to release the poisonous fumes around you. People who make judgmental comments about others around you, what we call “gossipers”, are people you don’t want to be friends with. In their heads they are just comparing themselves to others and their making you do the same. If a man or woman pressures you to do something you don’t want to, put them in their place and walk away. I wish I would have learned that one the easy way. To be straight forward just do what you want. Be happy,and if something gets in the way, move it.
4. Be open to criticism
In order to know yourself, you have to know your weaknesses. Mine is I am willing to conform to make an impression. My eyes have been open to it and I am working on it. We all have weakness, but it’s a personal choice whether to change them or not.
5. Leave room to grow.
The truth is we are all going to be hurt sometime within our lives. We will be let down, heart broken, angry, and/or depressed. It’s life, but God designed us all with one thing in common, free will. We choose what breaks us and what makes us. Don’t let your troubles become you, instead let them become a fading scare. Learn from your mistakes and continue on down the path of living. Yes, YOLO, We do only live once, so why live in a dump of pity when we can use our mistakes to be the building blocks of a inspiring life?
To sum everything up, I love my younger sister and my cousin to death and my heart breaks when I realize the impressions I made on them, but I’m taking action to show them better, I would never want them to become submissive to other’s unhealthy commands. I want to teach them to use good judgment, have confidence, and conquer life. This is my prayer for all of you reading this post. Thank you for taking the time to read this.